~ The close of 2010 ~

 
Our life was thrown into a spiral on Sept.21 and it continued to travel that course for 2 months after.

My sweet sorrowful niece.

This is just one of the thousands of stories, to some it was just the daily headline, but to nine families and countless relatives and friends it is a day that will remain with them forever. My sister in law Danielle Baldwin and her four young children were one of those families effected by the horror of Tuesday September 21, 2010. That was the day a helicopter carrying her husband, LTC Robert F. Baldwin and eleven other men crashed in Afghanistan. Rob and eight others lost their lives on that day. He was buried at Arlington National Cemetery, there were many in attendance.....he had died a hero and we mourn the loss.

Danielle has such strength

I have tried to write many times...I had many drafts saved, but it just seemed so unimportant, I would start and never finish. When we got home from Arlington, we tried to fall back into our daily routine. I had a hard time when it was quiet, my thoughts would wonder to Rob, to Danielle, the kids and all those left behind in the wake of the tragic event. The poor men, left behind to pick up the pieces and having to continue to serve and complete their mission as if nothing had happen. I prayed Danielle would have the strength and energy to be the full time mother, as she had been before. Things would never be the same.

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In the next coming weeks we learned Tim would be laid off. What were we going to do? How would we get by? Question after question flooded my mind. I was glad Tim wasn't home when I found out...glad I had sometime to accept it, to get the tears out, so I could be there for him (if he needed) when he came home. He was only out of work for a month, maybe a little longer. We felt very blessed, in today's economy, it could have been so much worse. God was good to our family!

Hanging Ornaments

        Christmas was wonderfully simple and he worked Christmas night. The kids were sad, but at least he had the morning off. New Years was the same, but memorable. I was truly thankful for all we had.

When thinking of the unexplainable I am reminded of a quote given to me by a dear friend, after the loss of my brother..."The greatest grace God can give someone is to send him a trial he cannot bear with his own powers – and then sustain him with the grace so he may endure... to the end and be saved.

                                    ~St. Justin Martyr

Daddy making cookies with the family

Never Forget

  In one morning the world was changed forever. Some people may disagree with this statement, but I think it rings true and I think those who do not agree have forgotten. I had just gotten my first cup of coffee and sat down to see the morning news. My youngest son was awake, whining a little because the cartoons weren't on the screen. I turned it to Fox News and saw a horrific sight, one I will never forget. My mind was spinning. I didn't understand what I was seeing. New York City? The Twin Towers? I asked myself. It couldn't be, I thought. One was covered in black smoke and flames. The news anchors were recapping on what I was seeing, unsure of what was going on themselves, they described that a plane had struck the building. They called it a "terrible accident". I remember picking up the phone to call family to get some kind of clarity. Phone lines were busy. So there I was, coffee set aside, holding one of my children in my arms, as I watched History unfold before my eyes. Time went on and an urgent message alert came up, as a second plane hit the other Tower. Once that happen we knew it was some kind of Terrorist Attack on American soil.
   I watched thinking of the people in those Towers. Morning the loss of life, not even aware of the horror to come. Watching on the other side of the country. I felt alone, unprotected in my own home. I thought of my sleeping infant and son, holding the child on my lap, tighter. Once again the unbelievable happened the Pentagon was struck, the hub of security in the United States. How is this possible? Who would want to do this? Why? And the question that most crossed my mind, what was next? My baby girl.. just five months old and so unsure of what life would bring her. Tears came as the bodies flailed towards the ground. Little did I know, the devastation would only increase.
  In the haze of the morning, my father who was in Sacramento pulled in the drive. The only marker I have for his arrival is that the Towers had not given way. He had been on a business trip to the state's capitol for a meeting with the state officials. That turned into a protection detail for the Governor. Once the Gray Davis was secure, he was released from his duty. We set there watching, speaking in half sentences trying to maintain some sort of  normalcy,  for the three children now awake. We watched as the Towers fell. We watched as the people were running for their lives. Hoping and praying it was over. Then news of a plane crashing in a Pennsylvania field. This would be the last of the attacks on that fateful day.

  Some people feel the need to block the images from view. I, on the other hand long for pain and horror of that day to be fresh. I believe that if we don't know Our History we are doomed to be repeated it. Always remember, never forget.

My brother Matthew

     Matthew would have been 28 years old today. He was one of a kind. I never thought in a million years I would ever have to write his obituary, but I did. Matthew was the brother that when he wasn't around, you wanted him there. When he was around, he could drive you crazy. That was part of his charm and he had lots of it. I can't tell you how many woman ( didn't matter the age or size ) told us how pretty Matthew made them feel. He was able to befriend any one, any place. Which was made evident by his many friends from all over. He lead a life of learning, adventure, and love. I recently found a post card he sent me from Lourdes, it brought back the loss and sadness I forgot, but it also brought this amazing joy for having been a part of his life.
   Brothers and sisters often don't get a long and there were times we were no different. We also shared wonderful times and times that weren't so wonderful, but looking back those are among my favorite.
Mom had been gone one morning and for some reason only Matthew (11) and I (15) were left in the house. Being board, as we normally were we took to wrestling. I don't remember who started it, but one thing lead to another and you know the saying "it's all fun and games until some one gets an eye poked out". Well that's what happen. He punched me smack-dab in the eye, not hard so much, as just right. Shattered my contact lens in pieces. For those of you that don't realize, that's extremely hard to do. We had to call our aunt, she came over and made sure all the pieces were out. My eye was fine. I still laugh when I remember his fist, as scrawny as it was coming at my face and the absolute amazement when it made contact. We still wrestled, even as adults. A little push here, big shove there. He made any situation more fun, for better or worse.

    

        He wrote while visiting Europe " So I think I've done just about everything I could have done, my life is complete." Matthew was right, for the short time he was here, he lived to the fullest.

Feeling Trapped

 I have made a promise to myself to try not judge a book by it's cover? We have all done it whether or not you realize or catch yourself. We can do it with people we meet, places we go. There all the proverbial BOOK. I have caught myself quite a few times and I'm trying to stop it. As of late with the "move" and being in a new town, I have learned what it feels like to be on the outside or to feel judged. It's not a good feeling and it has been a good lesson for me to learn.
 Making friends is not as easy as I remember it. In fact we've been here for months and have yet to meet someone that could be referred to as a possible friend. I thought when we moved things would be some how the same as they were where we used to live, not that we would know everybody, but that people would be friendly and approachable. The city once again proved me wrong. I had such high hopes for our family and how wonderful it would be living in a new place with a few connections. Meeting new people and being introduced to friends of our family. Well...maybe that's my problem, the high hopes. I got ahead of myself once again.
 You can only keep so busy before you start feeling sorry for yourself. I feel bad for my kids, I can't tell you how many times they've come to me and said they miss their friends. That they had so much to do when we lived in the other place and how bored they are now. We put the boys in foot ball and the school year just started so there's hope. I really feel bad for them, but I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

The Feast of the Assumption of Mary

 

Mary the Most Holy Virgin Mother was Assumed body and Soul into Heaven.

The Feast is celebrated on August 15th.

                                                  ~ Josephine (4yrs) hard at work ~

 ~ Solanus (2yrs) so very proud of his picture of Our Lady ~ 

~ the coloring page ~

~ Gemma and Kateri ~

Life with Hashimoto's Disease

I didn't think I would ever be this person, the one that feels the need to inform or writes on a blog about certain issues, that effect them. Well.... I am now. I have Hashimotos disease, in fact many people have it and don't realize it. 27 million people (mostly women) in America have this disease and half of those people go undetected. Most doctors don't test for it because it wouldn't change their course of action, that is if you don't have abnormal thyroid function, you won't get a cure all pill. And I haven't... because I don't have an abnormal thyroid function. What I do have (God Bless my husband for putting up with me) is mood swings, hives, fatigue, bouts of depression, hair loss, extreme weight gain, anxiety, dry hair, dry itchy skin, hoarse voice, susceptible to getting sick easily, stomach problems, unhealthy vitals, and the list goes on, and on. I manage for the most part, but I have these really, really good days that make me want more. I also have some horribly bad ones where I can barely make it out of bed. I have felt that doctors and friends viewed me as crazy, for a while I thought I was crazy, I truly did. My mom and my aunt both have hypothyroidism and I had many, if not more symptoms than they did, but my T3 and T4 were always within normal limits. This has been going on for about 14 years. I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body. My moods are not my own, I'm not that person. It's the struggle for my life and not very many people see that. I have lost 5 pregnancies most likely due to the fact that my immune system is destroying my thyroid gland. At one point they thought I had cancer and then valley fever. I can't tell you how hard it was to hear something, try to deal with it and then to find out that wasn't it at all. It wasn't until early last year that my doctor (an awesome doctor) listened to me and figured it out. Since then I have been trying to exercise and eat better and I have seen very little effects from my work.The last few days I have started to read this book "Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? When My Lab Test Are Normal". My husband bought it for me after reading a couple pages and seeing his wife's dilemma in print. I have only read the intro and the 1st chapter, but already I'm learning and understanding  how the thyroid functions and how it effects all the areas of the body. I can't tell you how affirming it is to see the problems you experience, the symptoms you have in writing. I no longer view myself as crazy (even in the back of my mind) I was just misinformed. Now, I hope I have tools to get my life back.



for more info http://www.thyroid360.com/

Think Again

I hate money issues. I hate fees. I hate banks that charge fees when your in the black, but they think you don't have enough in your account. Yes, there is a fee for "low balance." So, let me get this straight, the bank says "hey, you don't have enough money in your account, we want more, so we're going to charge X amount of dollars, have a nice day." The schedule of FEES that some banks have is flippin ridiculous. There is a fee for not using the money in your account, there's a fee if you use too much (which we already established), there are fees if you don't write a check and fees if you do. I could go on for days about this. I understand they're a business, but come on, really??? Who sits there and figures out these fees? Obviously someone who has no other thought in his head, other than to get your money in his pocket. And yes, they gave me a list of fees and I did browse over it, but I didn't think they could charge me for what "they" think my balance should be. I guess I need to think again.