Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never Forget

  In one morning the world was changed forever. Some people may disagree with this statement, but I think it rings true and I think those who do not agree have forgotten. I had just gotten my first cup of coffee and sat down to see the morning news. My youngest son was awake, whining a little because the cartoons weren't on the screen. I turned it to Fox News and saw a horrific sight, one I will never forget. My mind was spinning. I didn't understand what I was seeing. New York City? The Twin Towers? I asked myself. It couldn't be, I thought. One was covered in black smoke and flames. The news anchors were recapping on what I was seeing, unsure of what was going on themselves, they described that a plane had struck the building. They called it a "terrible accident". I remember picking up the phone to call family to get some kind of clarity. Phone lines were busy. So there I was, coffee set aside, holding one of my children in my arms, as I watched History unfold before my eyes. Time went on and an urgent message alert came up, as a second plane hit the other Tower. Once that happen we knew it was some kind of Terrorist Attack on American soil.
   I watched thinking of the people in those Towers. Morning the loss of life, not even aware of the horror to come. Watching on the other side of the country. I felt alone, unprotected in my own home. I thought of my sleeping infant and son, holding the child on my lap, tighter. Once again the unbelievable happened the Pentagon was struck, the hub of security in the United States. How is this possible? Who would want to do this? Why? And the question that most crossed my mind, what was next? My baby girl.. just five months old and so unsure of what life would bring her. Tears came as the bodies flailed towards the ground. Little did I know, the devastation would only increase.
  In the haze of the morning, my father who was in Sacramento pulled in the drive. The only marker I have for his arrival is that the Towers had not given way. He had been on a business trip to the state's capitol for a meeting with the state officials. That turned into a protection detail for the Governor. Once the Gray Davis was secure, he was released from his duty. We set there watching, speaking in half sentences trying to maintain some sort of  normalcy,  for the three children now awake. We watched as the Towers fell. We watched as the people were running for their lives. Hoping and praying it was over. Then news of a plane crashing in a Pennsylvania field. This would be the last of the attacks on that fateful day.

  Some people feel the need to block the images from view. I, on the other hand long for pain and horror of that day to be fresh. I believe that if we don't know Our History we are doomed to be repeated it. Always remember, never forget.

Friday, September 10, 2010

My brother Matthew

     Matthew would have been 28 years old today. He was one of a kind. I never thought in a million years I would ever have to write his obituary, but I did. Matthew was the brother that when he wasn't around, you wanted him there. When he was around, he could drive you crazy. That was part of his charm and he had lots of it. I can't tell you how many woman ( didn't matter the age or size ) told us how pretty Matthew made them feel. He was able to befriend any one, any place. Which was made evident by his many friends from all over. He lead a life of learning, adventure, and love. I recently found a post card he sent me from Lourdes, it brought back the loss and sadness I forgot, but it also brought this amazing joy for having been a part of his life.
   Brothers and sisters often don't get a long and there were times we were no different. We also shared wonderful times and times that weren't so wonderful, but looking back those are among my favorite.
Mom had been gone one morning and for some reason only Matthew (11) and I (15) were left in the house. Being board, as we normally were we took to wrestling. I don't remember who started it, but one thing lead to another and you know the saying "it's all fun and games until some one gets an eye poked out". Well that's what happen. He punched me smack-dab in the eye, not hard so much, as just right. Shattered my contact lens in pieces. For those of you that don't realize, that's extremely hard to do. We had to call our aunt, she came over and made sure all the pieces were out. My eye was fine. I still laugh when I remember his fist, as scrawny as it was coming at my face and the absolute amazement when it made contact. We still wrestled, even as adults. A little push here, big shove there. He made any situation more fun, for better or worse.

        He wrote while visiting Europe " So I think I've done just about everything I could have done, my life is complete." Matthew was right, for the short time he was here, he lived to the fullest.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Feeling Trapped

 I have made a promise to myself to try not judge a book by it's cover? We have all done it whether or not you realize or catch yourself. We can do it with people we meet, places we go. There all the proverbial BOOK. I have caught myself quite a few times and I'm trying to stop it. As of late with the "move" and being in a new town, I have learned what it feels like to be on the outside or to feel judged. It's not a good feeling and it has been a good lesson for me to learn.
 Making friends is not as easy as I remember it. In fact we've been here for months and have yet to meet someone that could be referred to as a possible friend. I thought when we moved things would be some how the same as they were where we used to live, not that we would know everybody, but that people would be friendly and approachable. The city once again proved me wrong. I had such high hopes for our family and how wonderful it would be living in a new place with a few connections. Meeting new people and being introduced to friends of our family. Well...maybe that's my problem, the high hopes. I got ahead of myself once again.
 You can only keep so busy before you start feeling sorry for yourself. I feel bad for my kids, I can't tell you how many times they've come to me and said they miss their friends. That they had so much to do when we lived in the other place and how bored they are now. We put the boys in foot ball and the school year just started so there's hope. I really feel bad for them, but I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Feast of the Assumption of Mary

Mary the Most Holy Virgin Mother was Assumed body and Soul into Heaven.
The Feast is celebrated on August 15th.

                                                  ~ Josephine (4yrs) hard at work ~

 ~ Solanus (2yrs) so very proud of his picture of Our Lady ~ 

~ the coloring page ~

~ Gemma and Kateri ~

Friday, August 13, 2010

Life with Hashimoto's Disease

I didn't think I would ever be this person, the one that feels the need to inform or writes on a blog about certain issues, that effect them. Well.... I am now. I have Hashimotos disease, in fact many people have it and don't realize it. 27 million people (mostly women) in America have this disease and half of those people go undetected. Most doctors don't test for it because it wouldn't change their course of action, that is if you don't have abnormal thyroid function, you won't get a cure all pill. And I haven't... because I don't have an abnormal thyroid function. What I do have (God Bless my husband for putting up with me) is mood swings, hives, fatigue, bouts of depression, hair loss, extreme weight gain, anxiety, dry hair, dry itchy skin, hoarse voice, susceptible to getting sick easily, stomach problems, unhealthy vitals, and the list goes on, and on. I manage for the most part, but I have these really, really good days that make me want more. I also have some horribly bad ones where I can barely make it out of bed. I have felt that doctors and friends viewed me as crazy, for a while I thought I was crazy, I truly did. My mom and my aunt both have hypothyroidism and I had many, if not more symptoms than they did, but my T3 and T4 were always within normal limits. This has been going on for about 14 years. I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body. My moods are not my own, I'm not that person. It's the struggle for my life and not very many people see that. I have lost 5 pregnancies most likely due to the fact that my immune system is destroying my thyroid gland. At one point they thought I had cancer and then valley fever. I can't tell you how hard it was to hear something, try to deal with it and then to find out that wasn't it at all. It wasn't until early last year that my doctor (an awesome doctor) listened to me and figured it out. Since then I have been trying to exercise and eat better and I have seen very little effects from my work.The last few days I have started to read this book "Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? When My Lab Test Are Normal". My husband bought it for me after reading a couple pages and seeing his wife's dilemma in print. I have only read the intro and the 1st chapter, but already I'm learning and understanding  how the thyroid functions and how it effects all the areas of the body. I can't tell you how affirming it is to see the problems you experience, the symptoms you have in writing. I no longer view myself as crazy (even in the back of my mind) I was just misinformed. Now, I hope I have tools to get my life back.

for more info

Monday, August 2, 2010

Think Again

I hate money issues. I hate fees. I hate banks that charge fees when your in the black, but they think you don't have enough in your account. Yes, there is a fee for "low balance." So, let me get this straight, the bank says "hey, you don't have enough money in your account, we want more, so we're going to charge X amount of dollars, have a nice day." The schedule of FEES that some banks have is flippin ridiculous. There is a fee for not using the money in your account, there's a fee if you use too much (which we already established), there are fees if you don't write a check and fees if you do. I could go on for days about this. I understand they're a business, but come on, really??? Who sits there and figures out these fees? Obviously someone who has no other thought in his head, other than to get your money in his pocket. And yes, they gave me a list of fees and I did browse over it, but I didn't think they could charge me for what "they" think my balance should be. I guess I need to think again.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Recent Reads

I just finished Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas Sparks and Micah Sparks. It was a great read!
I enjoyed their relationship and their family tales. It was surprising how many similarities there were in my childhood and theirs. It was funny, tragic, heart warming and memorable. Life always has it's way, in the end it's just what you're able to make of it.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Crazy Daze

In the last couple weeks I have felt like I'm going non-stop. I'm working on finding a curriculum for my kids ( haven't got very far), the fourth of July, one possible root canal, possible removal on tonsils, cut up sheets and Insurance companies.... these are some of things that have plagued my life recently. Oh, and I turned 32.

I was talking to my sister in law about a book she gave me a few years back and I still have not read it through :(  "A Mother's Rule of Life"  This book and completing my children's curriculum, will be my next task. The author is very enjoyable, but pride got in the way and I didn't finish reading. I never thought of myself as a scheduled mom, but now days I'm seeing the need for it. I don't know if wisdom comes with age or if I'm just tried of feeling like I didn't get anything done at the end of the day.  The author talks about balance between household duties and homeschooling (something I always have trouble with). I need peace in my life and I'm really hoping that this (if applied) might afford me some.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Tale of the Picker

Children pick, it's a fact. They pick noses, wedgies, some even pick belly buttons. My story is a tale of a picker of sorts. To some it will be distrubing and to others it will be common place.  For me it was too much!

~ The other night I was up late with my two littlest. They had taken naps too late in the day to go to bed at a normal hour, so mommy got to stay awake for a lot longer then she expected. We were sitting on the couch enjoying ourselves. The kiddos were watching Toy Story,  I was on my laptop when I realized that my poor son was being attacked by his sister. I looked down to find her showing the tip of her finger to her brother saying "eww" and wiping her finger on the couch. I told her to knock it off, she giggled. A second later she was waving her finger in his face again. Told her to stop (I have a problem with consistantcy, I don't have any). I went back to what I was doing, just too exhausted to actually make her listen. Out of the corner of my eye I saw what she was doing. She would stick her finger in my son's ear and pull it out with ear wax on it. She looked like she was a pirate looking for treasure and when she got it, she was thrilled, so much so that she had to show her brother. "Look Bubba, eeeewww," she would say as she wave that finger around. My son would look real hard at the tip of her finger and as he squinted he said, "ucky, JoJo." Don't get me wrong it was funny, just gross at the same time. So being the good mom I should,  I said, "I'm serious, knock that off, it's gross!" I think I used her complete name when I ended my declaration. She giggled a second time. I gave her one of my famous dirty looks. Looking back, I don't think I scared her in the least, but at the time I thought there was some improvement. She slowly got up and went to the kitchen, I figured she was getting a drink, which she did. It was then on her way back to the couch that I realized  her dasteredly plan as she set back on the couch ( on the other side of her brother ). That sicko wanted her brother's other ear! I called her on it, as she slowly sat down acting like she wasn't doing anything. She giggled her last. This time I stood my ground (couch), she was not able to pick my poor defendless child's ear any longer. I took the spot between them!

For those that are wondering: my childs ears were clean... well at least I thought they were. I had just giving him a bath.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Beware of Kids with Money

Tim and I took the kids to the movie theater. We saw Toy Story 3, the kids loved it and we loved watching our little ones experience a theater for the very first time. Hearing the awes and ooos after something they saw, just made it all worth while. For Tim and I it was a first at this theater, being that we are new to town. It did not disappoint, the place was huge, twenty concession stands, sixteen screens and not as expensive as I would have thought.
Watching the movie went off without a hitch, no crying or fighting. After the movie was over we had a bathroom break and we took time to refill the drinks and popcorn. We walked out to the car and some crying started. Nothing too bad, but as we started to get into the car my second oldest tells me "look what I bought in the bathroom" as he waves a little box in front of my face. I was mortified. I hoped he hadn't opened it. I thought about a conversation that I really didn't want to have with an 11 yr old and as all these thoughts are coming to me, Tim is yelling " you never buy anything out of a bathroom and you are not allowed to buy anything without our permission". Right then, I knew he thought it was the same thing I did and I'm pretty sure you have caught on by now. I looked him straight in the face and said " give it to me." I noticed it wasn't open and as I took it I said, "Stephen, they sell medicine in there for people who have a hard time going potty and if you took it, you could get sick" trying to sound sympathetic. I looked at my husband with a dumb look as if to say "well... I don't know what to tell him." Luckily our oldest son (the know it all) starts in on his brother about how "it makes you sick and it's like that stuff they sell at the store for older people."  I looked at the little box as the kids all start giving their two sense and opened it. I did so for two reasons; one to see what he thought he was buying and two to see what kind of stuff I had to worry about in that bathroom. It was breath drops, thank you. My son kept repeating "it said they were sour" and now I knew why.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

a mommies night out

i had a chance and i took it. saw the opening and i jumped. my husband was home and it was his sisters b-day so i thought a movie would be fun and it really was! we saw the back up plan at 1st i was a little taken back, but man it was funny. not the kind of movie you see with your husband, a total chick flick. warning: if you are faint of heart don't see it and for mommies with new babies.. it could bring back labor pains. i actually cringed a couple times and my baby is 2. it was irreverent and awkward, but oh so funny. the person i saw it with made it better, wouldn't have been the same with out her!

sometimes it's so nice just to get out for a bit!!!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Due to Economy

Creative means is necessary in this economy. I'm sure many stay at home moms are trying to bring a little more to add to the ever dwindling table. I feel like my list of chores keeps getting longer and longer and my time is stretched further and further. All the while homeschooling and trying to maintain a semi-clean house. So, in my spare time (which I has so much of) I do a little of everything (sewing, crochet, trying to learn how to knit, and trying to make hair bows... trying is the key word). I have been trying to sell what I create in order to help with the little things. Here are some of my Creations.

~Patriotic Reversible Apron ~

~Springtime Reversible Apron ~

~ Cherry Rag Quilt ~

~My 1st try with Bows~

~ Crocheted Hat and Scarf ~

~ Crocheted Hat and Scarf ~

~ Heart T-shirt Dress ~

Friday, June 11, 2010

Washing Woes

The trip went well until the vomiting started. The car ride got very interesting and a little messy to say the least. My poor Sol ..he's new to the whole flu thing, doesn't get that he's not trying to keep it in. Then the choking and gagging starts. All the while my husband is making noises (ya know... the kind that lets you know he's not happy...uuhh, ummm, hhhaa) and whether he knows it or not those noises effect my mood. Yeah, the trip went very well! When we got home the realization set in as I walked into my bathroom that my washer was not working. The mound of Laundry was sitting there as a reminder of things to come. I hate doing laundry! I think I would rather clean a toilet, but by the end of the night I wished I could do my laundry. Thank God I had an appointment the next morning.

That night didn't seem like it was going to end. Two sick babies on the floor next to my bed, every time they made a noise I woke. I have to give it to my little Josephine... she was a trooper. One minute she would be laying down and the next she would be over the bowl letting loose, not once did she need me to do a clean up. By 3:00 am I was done and the repair guy was coming between 8-12 noon. I would have normally gotten up early, cleaned up and made a general effort, but like I said I was done. As long as the kids let me sleep I was good.

The repair man came about 10ish. He was all business, looked older then my grandfather and had no sense of humor. He was a bit intimidating. He went straight to work and I left him to it. I came back to see how things were and opened my big mouth,"so you find anything?" and that opened the flood gates. "Yeah! I found something," he said (in a tone that said you idiot) as he gestured to this fleshy looking thing "it's some sort of potato,"he snapped. I knew there and then my little angel was at fault here. I was expecting a sock... some dirt... some lint ...a repair man with better eyes. When I looked down I saw what we had for dinner a couple nights ago... zucchini. I wasn't about to argue the species of the vegetable (that was stuck in my washer, with the repair man who just extracted it). So in the most humble of voice I said "oh really, I don't know how that got it there." He looked at me in that tone again and said, " A'll tell you how that got in there, one of 'em opened it up and put it in." That what I get for not being honest, I mean of course I knew, but what am I suppose to say, "I'm sorry sir.... I don't watch my 2 yr old as close as I should and it won't happen again." I mean really, he should be happy I have a crazy kid that keeps him employed. I was so happy when it was all over... and more happy cause I have a washer and one sick baby and 3 more that have yet to get it.

~This is for all the moms who have to be humbled by their childrens actions and for all the repair men who deal with crazy moms!~

Friday, June 4, 2010

When it Rains it Pours

Why is it, that when one thing goes wrong, anything and everything will follow? I have lived by the saying God only gives you what you can handle and I used to sneer at the people who would say I just wish he didn't trust me with so much... the wimps.

Lately, I am wimping out a little more frequently.

4:45 am

My husband wakes me up his car won't start. He's taking mine.

7:15 am

My front loader washer is spewing water from places it shouldn't.

7:30 am

After I dried up all the water that the thing spit at me I continued to

try to figure out what was wrong.

7:52 am

I drained and cleaned the vent, cause I'm good like that. It still spewed water!

8:20 am-1:30 pm

I tore my house up looking for the warranty. It was bad we just moved

I went through so many boxes.

1:30 pm

My sister in law called ( time was exact I checked the caller ID)

and told me that they keep those things on file. I wished she called earlier.

2:00 pm

1st attempt at calling. Actually called the wrong store because I was

so frazzled. Then I had to let the poor service person know I had pretty

much wasted about 7 minutes of her life. She just laughed at me.

Mean while my children had free rain of the house.

2:15 pm

2nd attempt at calling. This went better, but I knew a whole lot about the service woman when we were done. How much the gas was where she lived, family, where there was good shopping, you name it we talked about it.

I hope I didn't make you tried just reading this. On the bright side, I have an appointment for my water puking washer. On the not so bright side I have a whole bunch of dirty clothes and my kids have had a field day with my house. If I can just make it to bedtime.

I wonder if my sister will mind a few loads of extra laundry.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

~ Better than Empty ~

I'm in the middle of shopping, going about my business. I could be walking to the park, to get out of the house for a while. I see someone standing as if they are stuck in their tracks, looking at me, in what seems to be disbelief. You think to yourself "What are they starring at? Do I have something on my face? Is there toilet paper... stuck to my butt...and trailing behind me... WHY didn't the kids tell me?" Does this sound familiar to anyone?? Well, this is my life.

It happens at least once a week. It makes no difference where I am or what I am doing. There will always be one person who has to ask (in a condescending tone) "ARE THESE ALL YOUR CHILDREN?" Out of the blue, no "HI"... no pleasantries whatsoever. Just that sentence I so love to hear. I honestly don't know what people are thinking, but I guess that's it... their not. To ask such a thing in FRONT of the children you're talking about. What if they were adopted? Why do they feel the need to know? What business is it of theirs? And why do I always feel the need to answer? And yes. Answer I do. "Yes they are."

There are many questions that come after that: "You must either be Catholic or Mormon?".... "Don't you have a TV?"... "Are you going to have more?".... "Don't you know what causes that?" or "Are they all from the same father?" The list goes on and on... and yes it's in front of the children. Which means mommy is going to get a lot of questions later.

A most precious, but horrifying experience, is where the name of my blog came from. The kiddos and I were out shopping. I was looking at earrings for the girls and a woman came up and ask my favorite question. To my surprise my eldest son (6 at the time) answered, " yes this is my brother and my sisters and mommy is having another baby soon." You could see the woman's disapproval. But my son being who he is, didn't notice and continued proudly to tell her anything and everything that came to his little mind. "My mommy has more babies, but they died ... they are in heaven." I had to explain that I had had several miscarriages and with that a light went on. All the woman could do was tell me, "I had my hands full" and my response was "better than empty."

She agreed.